So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize