How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
