I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
