Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I look better un-naked...
Did I show you my penis last night?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
