Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize