I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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