We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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