I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
