i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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