I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize