WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We just shotgunned beers for America
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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