Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
