I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
