When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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