So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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