You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
