The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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