Where did you get a picture of my penis
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
