'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
