Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
