My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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