i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
