All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
