the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
