Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's the barista slut.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
