turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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