holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
