im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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