It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
