Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
operation harelip BJ is a go
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
