He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
