i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
