**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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