is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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