At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We left an ass print on the piano.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
