the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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