Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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