are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
