The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
