none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
