chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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