Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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