Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
