he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
