O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
