Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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