Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
