FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
