Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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