I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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