He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
