this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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