Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
