Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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