Screwed.edu
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found puke in my bra..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
