So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
