A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
