I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
