But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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