So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
