he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
