You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
