She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
