I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
