Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
