I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
