he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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