I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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