Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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