Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
