i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Drake has all the answers
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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