im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
