It's Friday. Sex?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
