i permit you to call me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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