I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
