i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
