Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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