Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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