By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
