Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We need to rekindle our bromance
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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