How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
