So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
