So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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