I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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