The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
