im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
