Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
