escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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